When our garbage disposal stopped working on New Year’s Eve, I figured I would just wait to get it taken care of until after January 4^th when everyone is back in work mode. But when I made a phone call to the plumber and found out that he could install a new one that afternoon, Steve encouraged me to go ahead and get it done that day which I did.

Practically, that was a good idea since a home composting unit wasn’t on my Christmas list. So collecting carrot peelings and coffee grounds isn’t something I have much interest in doing.

But I’m also glad that we had a new disposal put in on the last day of 2009 because it’s a symbolic of how I want to approach the New Year: grind up the garbage…the anxiety and stress…that is leftover from a tough year and run it down the drain but store the good events that were also a part of 2009.

So, what are the highlights from last year that I can be grateful for?

Our son made the transition from junior college to San Francisco State. Last year at this time, we didn’t know where he would be going to school or if he could get the loans he needed to pay for it. He is so happy living the living the life of a student filmmaker in the City; Steve and I constantly comment to one another that SFSU turned out to be an ideal fit for him.

Our middle daughter got her driver’s license, and with some help from us, bought a great used car and completed her college applications. Our experience with our son gives us encouragement that when it actually comes to going to college, that she too will end up at the right school for her.

Our youngest daughter is starting to come into her own as an artist and personality. She also has developed a strong interest in caring for others. And I’m grateful that as she enters high school next year she has friends that I can count on to influence her in positive ways.

Steve continues to have excellent health and energy…which shouldn’t be taken for granted now that he is close to the age of Medicare.

And I’m grateful that in an economy of double-digit unemployment, I was able to get a job. Not only am I appreciative of the additional income, but I feel valued for the work I do and love the people I work with.

So in 2010 as I find leftovers in my refrigerator…and attitude…that have gone bad, they are all getting tossed into my new disposal.

This Christmas I really enjoyed seeing what our children bought for their siblings and Steve and me now that they can do their own shopping. Each gift showed that they thought about what the person likes and then combined it with their own interests.

Some highlights: Ethan, our 21-year-old son who is a film production major at San Francisco State, went next door to State to shop at Stonestown Galleria. Ethan and his dad share a love of movies, so it’s no surprise that Steve unwrapped a DVD from Ethan. We don’t take it personally that he chose “The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly,” after all, it’s the classic spaghetti western that according to Ethan, should be in the collection of any serious film aficionado.

For me, Ethan bought a book called Inventory by people who write the A.V. Club for The Onion. It’s a book of lists such as “7 terrible movies on the top 100 all-time box-office hits list” and “15 really good bands with really bad names.” He’s hoping it will give me a crash course in the pop culture world that he inhabits.

Valerie, 17, avoids malls (unless it’s the gleaming, upscale San Francisco Centre) but loves antique stores. Fortunately, Petaluma has plenty of them so that’s where she headed for her Christmas shopping. She bought Steve a 1950’s 35 mm Argus range-finder camera. Although still functional, she brought it because she knows it would make her dad happy to look up from his computer and see this well-crafted old piece of technology.

Jennifer is the only one of the three who isn’t old enough to drive so she put her creativity to use in making hand-crafted gifts. I got an embroidered felt key chain and Steve got a polar bear and penguin vignette (think Hallmark Card store) that she had crafted out of Scupley – a brand of bake-able clay.

Barbies and Legos are great but Christmas is a lot more fun when personalities shine through.

It was our yearly Christmas letter that got me started writing a blog. One year when I was late getting the cards out, several friends wrote back to me saying that they missed getting our Christmas letter and they hoped they were still on our list. Their reaction, with added encouragement from Steve, prompted me to start writing a Christmas letter every week…or in other words, to start writing a weekly blog.

I was hoping that writing a blog for three years would have gotten my writing muscles into such good shape that when it comes time to write the yearly Christmas letter that it would just roll off my fingertips. However, that is not the case, and I find myself procrastinating starting it.

One reason I struggle with the Christmas letter is because I want to represent the year with the right tone. I want to balance the reality of what we have struggled with in business this year…”it sucked”…with the greater truth that we are still very blessed to be in excellent health, have great kids who are growing into vibrant adults, and the hope that each day holds something wonderful. After all, that’s why we celebrate Christmas.

And while I think our kids are pretty special…what parent doesn’t…I don’t want to go overboard when it comes to listing their accomplishments. I always smile when I think of the Christmas letter we got from some friends. The news of their six-year-old son winning second place in his class’s coloring contest was worthy of three exclamation points. Shouldn’t they allow a little room for growth? In 12 years from now, when their Christmas letter tells us he has been accepted to Stanford, I suppose it will be followed by a page of exclamation points.

Sometimes I think I’ll just go with a half page of bullet points about the year. “Ethan is at college in San Francisco, Valerie wants to go away to college, and Jennifer just wants to have us quit talking about college.” There, I’m done.

Nah, I can’t take the easy way out. So with that said, I had better get back to the letter so I can get them in the mail tomorrow if there is any hope of them arriving before Christmas.

Thanks for reading my blog. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

Our family really enjoys outings into San Francisco to take a break from our intense…with the emphasis on “tense” when the stress starts getting to us…focus on work and school. So when I saw that Costco was selling tickets for the King Tut exhibit at the de Young, I thought that would give us the opportunity to plan another day-cation into the City. Plus, I had fond memories of the Tut exhibit because it was one of the first events Steve and I went to as a couple more than 25 years ago.

After buying the tickets at Costco, I went online and chose Sunday at 10am for the day and time; I remember how popular the exhibit had been last time around so I was hoping that a Sunday morning wouldn’t be peak hours. That strategy worked; when we arrived at the de Young we there were only about 20 other people in line. The group of us was ushered quickly into a small room and the doors closed behind us.

Then the room went dark and the video screen lit up; it felt exactly like we were getting on the “Tower of Terror” ride at Disneyland. I was expecting lightening flashes and Rod Serling on the video screen welcoming us to a continuum of time and space. Instead, we heard Omar Sharif’s voice as he narrated a brief history of the boy king. Just like a thrill ride, they wanted to add some drama and build up our sense of anticipation before we entered the mysterious world of mummies and golden sun gods.

Inside the exhibit, we thought that the craftsmanship and sculptural shapes of the pieces were amazing. Valerie particularly liked Tut’s bling; a huge necklace that had a beautiful yellow-green stone scarab as the centerpiece. Jennifer liked that Tut’s tomb contained the 1322 BC version of a Nintendo DS in the form of a two-sided carved game board. Steve’s favorite part of the exhibit was some large photos documenting Howard Carter’s discovery of the tomb.

Looking at one of the display cases that contained an embellished dog collar, I couldn’t help but think how prosperous the Egyptians must have been. If you’re living at subsistence level, you’re probably not spending a lot of time thinking about dressing up your dog.

Although there are more than 130 pieces in the exhibit, it didn’t have some of the really large items that I remember seeing when the Tut exhibit came through San Francisco in the late 1970’s. For example, the iconic blue and gold Tut coffin is there, but it’s not the full size piece, it’s a canopic coffinette which is only about 18 inches high. And just when you think that they have led you through all the chambers for a big reveal, the exhibit ends. “Please place your audio tours on the rack by the exit.” Darn, over so soon.

It probably took us about an hour to move through the exhibit and then we spent another hour perusing the de Young museum store. We extended our time in the City with a trip to Haight Street to find a clothing store that Jennifer had found online and we had a great time window shopping in several funky stores along the street. Should I ever need vintage glass taxidermy eyes, I now know where I can get them.

Was the Tut exhibit worth the $26.99 that I paid for each ticket? Probably not, if we went there solely to be blown away by the art and history. For me, going to the exhibit was really about setting aside time to do something together as a family and take a break from college applications and work demands. And that was worth the price of admission.

I am quite sure that there are 609,000 teenagers who are in a better mood this week. That’s the number of high school seniors who submitted their applications to the California State University system by the November 30 deadline, and if they are like my daughter, Valerie, they are relieved that at least one of their applications is done.

Valerie is especially happy because she submitted her applications to the other schools by the Early Action deadline so she is completely and totally done. We celebrated this achievement with a trip to Nordstrom Rack last weekend.

So besides starting early which I wrote about last week, what did we learn from the college application process?

One thing we learned is that applying to college is a family effort. The amount of work required to apply to the recommended six to 10 schools can be overwhelming. Although I had heard the process was more streamlined now that it is done online, that is really not the case. Each of the private schools required different essays and supplemental applications. Valerie needed support in sorting through the details, and at times, a little prodding from us to keep focused.

There were times it took all three of us, Steve, Valerie and me, to decipher the application requirements from a particular school’s website. And it certainly took Steve’s skills with PhotoShop to put Valerie’s portfolio on a CD that met the school’s criteria for dpi, size, files, etc.

I realize that some of what we encountered is specific to applying as an art major and might not be necessary for students going into engineering or business. But they are still going to need your encouragement when they need some additional information in order to complete the application, and like many teenagers, they are reluctant to pick up the phone and call the admission department for help.

If nothing else, your kid is going to want you close by when it’s time to take out a credit card and pay the $60 application fee per school.

But most importantly, get organized as soon as you can. When you’re applying to several types of schools, such as state schools, UCs, and private schools, keeping track of the various requirements and deadlines is challenging. Valerie made a grid in Excel and it proved to be very helpful because as she began researching the school’s websites, she had a place to record the information Down the left hand side of her grid, she listed the schools she was applying to, and then across the top, a column for application due date, if they required a supplemental app, essay requirements, portfolio requirements, etc. And as she completed each application, it gave her a lot of satisfaction to draw a big, fat line through that school on her chart.

The one column that she didn’t have and that I would recommend adding, is for your major. We had to look at the academic programs offered at each school in order to determine if at a particular school, she should apply as a Graphic Design major, or an Art Major in the Design / Media Arts Department. Perhaps if you’re planning to major in biology, the choice of majors among schools might be more consistent. However, I would certainly recommend researching the websites in advance. It really speeds up the process when you sit down to actually do the application, if you don’t have to stop and go back to the website.

Valerie also made a Pendaflex folder for each school so that she had a place to file any mail she received from a school she was applying to. And once she had paid the application fee and printed out a receipt, it gave her a place to file it. This was a good thing because by the end of the process it was all such a blur that without going back to the file, I had totally forgotten that we had submitted and paid for applications for two schools.

College will start her on the road to independence but her, and probably most high school students, need some help to get started.

One of the things I’m thankful for this weekend is that Valerie, our high school senior, has completed her college applications. When she clicked on the “Submit” button on the online app for the last school, there was a huge sense of relief that this time-consuming and often tedious task was behind us. She has done the work and now whether or not she gets accepted is in the hands of the admissions committees. She’ll keep saying her prayers and wait to see what the mail brings in January.

So thinking back on the process, what did we learn? While it’s still fresh in my mind, I thought that for my blog this week and next, I would record some of our thoughts. Although none of these bits of advice are groundbreaking, they may be helpful to parents who have yet to go through the process…and reminders for me when we go through this again in four years with Valerie’s younger sister.

Start early. That sounds obvious. But a friend told me the story of her daughter frantically trying to finish her application on an uncle’s computer after Thanksgiving dinner. No one wants to spend the last weekend in November cramming to complete the applications by the end-of-the-month deadline. And given the quantity of information required by most schools, such as essays, lists of classes and grades, letters of recommendations and transcripts, it would probably be impossible to do it anyway. However, I’ll bet there’s a high school counselor or two with stories about getting panicked calls at home from seniors begging them to give them a printout of their high school record.

Valerie was fortunate to have a teacher who knew how overwhelming college applications could be so she got the process started last year. In her honors junior English class, her teacher assigned the two UC essays as the final writing exercise for the year. So even though Valerie had at least six essays she needed to do for the various schools and departments, she already had two of them done when she started the process. This gave her more time to refine the syntax and correct any elusive typos.

Starting early also allows time for the technological glitches. There were a couple of times when Valerie was ready to complete her application for a particular school but she wasn’t able to log on. We figured that every other student was also trying to check this school off their list and the websites were jammed to the point of not being functional. We were glad that she had a cushion of another 10 days before the deadline.

And I’m sure teachers who are writing letters of recommendation appreciate it when the student doesn’t ask for a letter and then say, “Oh, by the way, I need it tomorrow.” Of course, the student hopes the teacher will enumerate all their wonderful qualities. I think a teacher would be much more predisposed to do that if the student shows some common courtesy and gives them plenty of advance notice.

That’s my thoughts on the applications themselves. Next week I’ll share what we learned about how to get organized to manage the application process.

Last week, I wrote about preparing to say goodbye to our 11-year-old German shepherd, Xena. It turned out that our goodbyes were short and sweet.

While we were at the park on Saturday, she turned sharply and it was as if the thread that was holding her deteriorating hip joints together snapped. She couldn’t get control of her right back leg and her condition worsened on Sunday. By Monday morning, other systems in her body were shutting down and we knew that we were sharing the last few hours of her life.

As with anyone you have loved, when they are gone it’s natural to think back on your life together…

Our life with Xena started when our son was 10. Like many parents, I thought having a dog would be a great lesson in responsibility so we starting thinking about what kind of dog we wanted. We had friends who owned German shepherds and we thought that they were exceptionally handsome and intelligent, so we decided on that breed.

The breeders who we bought her from did Schutzhund training – that’s were they train dogs in obedience, tracking, and chomping down on bad guys in quilted suits until they are told to release. They showed us some videos and it looked really cool and we wanted to train our dog to do that stuff too. So we chose the most aggressive puppy from the litter.

And in keeping with our noble and brave image of shepherds, we named her Xena; “Xena Warrior Princess” was an extremely popular TV show at the time.

The only problem was that Xena was my first dog and I didn’t have a clue about how to get her to obey me. Schutzhund training? That was a total fantasy. I was much more concerned with how to get my shoe back after she stole it and bolted into the backyard. I knew she was faster than me and I was beginning to think she was also smarter than me.

And speaking of chewing shoes, I was beginning to think that we had bitten off more than we could chew by choosing a German shepherd. I began to understand why sweet but not very bright golden retrievers were such popular family dogs.

After about four months of this, I thought I had reached the end of my rope…or in this case, leash.  I was about ready to put an ad in the newspaper for “A Complete German shepherd package, including the dog, crate, Dogloo, kennel, food and accessories. A $4,000 value, yours for $150.”

But then things improved; Xena calmed down and we got help. We hired a wonderful trainer who trained me in how to work consistently with Xena so that she would predictably “come” when called and could even walk by my side off leash through a crowd of people.

In our years together, I got into the rhythm of having a dog and I found that I really liked it. Why bother going for a walk if I don’t have a dog to do it with? Cooking is more fun when there’s a dog to toss the scraps to. And my house and family was safer because no one was going to mess with a German shepherd…even if she didn’t have Schutzhund training.

So I miss Xena and I miss having a dog. I know we won’t have another Xena, but I’m confident that at some point in the future, we will have another dog. I think that will honor her memory.

Sometimes when were sitting on the couch and our three cats are happily snoozing on our laps and our dog is contently stretched out across her dog bed, we’ll comment on how amazing it is that people choose to invite animals into their house…and how much we love them in spite of the snags and spots in the carpet.

So it’s a sad day for us when it becomes apparent that one of them is coming to the end of its life.

On the way home from our walk on Saturday, our 11-year-old German shepherd, Xena,  tweaked her hips as she turned to greet another dog. Her right back leg gave out from under her and she couldn’t regain any strength in it. Taking a few steps at a time, she was able to wobble slowly back home.

We were lucky to be able to get an appointment with the vet later that morning and as the vet explained it, there is inflammation surround some nerves so basically, she doesn’t have feeling in her legs and that’s why she can’t get them underneath her. Also, as is common in shepherds, she has always had bad joints and there is degeneration because of her age. We left with some anti-inflammatory medication that might or might not improve her condition.

We are thankful that for now, her appetite is good and she doesn’t seem to be a pain. It’s just painful for us to watch her move with such extreme difficulty.

We’ve never been through this process with a pet who has been such an important part of our family. Tears were shed when my daughter’s two pet rats died, but we didn’t feel much of a loss when the numerous fish and fire-belly toad came to the end of their lives; I find it a lot harder to feel a connection with a creature that doesn’t have fur to stroke.

We want to do the right thing for Xena so I’ll be calling the vet tomorrow to get some advice. In the meantime, all we can do is look into her brown eyes and tell her the truth, “You’re a good dog.”

As our daughter began the college application process this fall, I was surprised at the many letters she got in the mail from colleges near and far encouraging her to apply to that particular school. All the letters were crafted to make the schools and their academic and social opportunities sound as attractive as possible.

Some of the letters even started to resemble the credit card offers we used to get by the dozen when credit was cheap and easy. But instead of offering “0% interest for 12 months,” they were offering her “No application fee and we’ll waive the essay requirement!” Unless she gets a letter that screams, “Full-ride for four years!” she just puts the letters into the “Thanks, but no thanks” file.

Just like when we got credit card offers because of our credit score, Valerie is getting these letters because of her score – but in her case it’s her SAT and ACT scores, GPA, class rank and AP scores. Apparently for those colleges, as well as some of the UC’s, she would be accepted based solely on her strong numbers.

But for the private schools, high test scores alone aren’t enough to ensure acceptance.  They’re putting together a freshman class that has a mix of strengths and interests – and even a little bit of quirkiness. After going to a number of presentations by the schools, I came away with the impression that they review the student’s applications as if they are developing a guest list for a really interesting party. Test scores are important but they also want kids who can do more than use a #2 pencil to fill in the correct bubble.

So, if that’s the case, how do you showcase your student beyond just what can be recorded on an application form? In a sense, how do you market a student? And placing an ad in the school’s newspaper probably isn’t the best way.

Since Steve is in the marketing business, it wasn’t a big leap for him to come up with the idea of making a video of Valerie. We interviewed her on camera talking about what she is passionate about and what she hopes to get from her college experience. In editing it, Steve cut in some samples of her art portfolio as she talked about specific pieces.

Are we being stage parents who think their daughter is so special that an admissions director has to see a film of her in order to fully appreciate who she is as a person? Not entirely. I think it’s more akin to the father of the talented place-kicker who sent videos to 200 schools so they could see his son in action, and as a result, got a full scholarship. Our attitude is that if the schools are willing to take the time to look at the video, it won’t hurt her chances of being accepted and could certainly help.

At this point, we’ve sent a link to the video to admissions directors at two schools. One of these people was out-of-town so we don’t know what his reaction, if any, will be to receiving it. However, the dialogue that followed when the gal at the other school watched it was very interesting.

Steve first got an email back from her basically saying that it was too long and didn’t focus enough on what admissions departments would really be interested in. Steve listened to her comments, edited it down, and exchanged many emails with her. At her request, Steve sent her a revised version. Thinking he was done, he was surprised when a couple of days later, he got an email from her that starts, “I’ve been thinking about Valerie’s video…” and goes onto suggest that he put back in some of the footage he had edited out.

Did the video get the attention of an admissions officer and make Valerie not just a name on an application but a real person to them? Most definitely. Does this mean she’ll be accepted and get lots of financial aid? That’s our hope.

It was about a year ago at this time, that our son began the application process to transfer from the junior college to a four-year school. I remember standing behind him watching him fill out the Common App online. He flew through it as if filling in the answers demanded the same fast-twitch reflexes as a first-person shooter. He hit the “Submit” button while I was still stuttering to say, “Are you sure you don’t want to check your essay for typos one more time?”

It’s hard for me to argue that he should have taken a more considered approach; he got accepted at his first two choices.

Then I read an article in the Wall Street Journal about parents who quit their jobs so they could devote themselves completely to helping their child through the college application process. Based on my experience with our son, this seemed like the higher education version of parents doing their kid’s fourth grade science fair project. Shouldn’t the students be filling out their own applications?

Fast forward a year to our driven, type A(+)daughter’s college application process. After selecting nine potential schools, she created an Excel grid of their due dates, essay requirements, contact info, etc and posted it on her wall. Then the process seemed to come to a halt.

When we would ask her, she said that she wanted to do some more “art” for her college app portfolio. After a couple of weeks of this we realized that she was probably over-whelmed and was using adding to her portfolio as an excuse to put off tackling the immense amount of work to apply. No two schools have exactly the same requirements and navigating her way through complex websites to figure the details was certainly daunting.

Then there are applications themselves…supplemental applications and departmental supplements to the supplemental apps…and all of them require specific essays. And don’t try and take any shortcuts because as the University of Southern California website warns, “We can tell when a recycled essay has been changed only slightly to fit one of the topics.”

With the early action deadline for some of the candidate schools fast approaching, we sat her down and after two hours of “whatevers” and moping, we extracted an admission that she needed our help.

Since that conversation, any time that Valerie isn’t doing homework, has been spent sitting in front of the computer with her as she slogs her way through this tedious process. She’s still the one doing all the work; I just proofread her essays and encourage her as she clicks “Submit” that her hard work will be rewarded.

And here’s good news, she doesn’t even have to wait to find out where she’s been accepted to reap her reward because another two weeks and she’ll mostly be done – after which I’ve promised Valerie and myself a shopping trip to Nordstrom Rack.

Wherever Valerie eventually enrolls, I have now an appreciation for that mom who quit her job to get her daughter into a good school. Applying to college may not be a full-time job, but it certainly feels like it.