When a natural disaster such as the earthquake in Haiti occurs, I have an impulse to want to help. But I also want to know that any donation I make is really going to the people who need it. I guess I’m just not comfortable with texting money into cyberspace and not knowing precisely where it lands.

That’s why I really appreciate the Buckets of Hope program. It is a very tangible effort to help survivors of the Haitian earthquake that our church, Petaluma Valley Baptist, is participating in.

The Buckets of Hope are five-gallon white buckets with a handle that are filled with a very specific list of food staples, such as cooking oil, dry black beans, rice, sugar, peanut butter and flour. Once the food has been consumed, the bucket itself will be a useful item.

Every bucket is to be exactly alike to minimize problems with US and Haitian customs officials. And much thought was given by the originators of the project regarding what to include and how to pack it. Never mind including treats; every square inch of space in the bucket is taken up with these basics for survival. In fact, very specific directions must be followed in order to fit all the items into the bucket.

The cost to purchase the food for the bucket is about $30 and the buckets’ contents will feed a Haitian family for a week. It is also asked that a cash contribution of $10 is enclosed to help pay for the shipping cost. Fully packed, the bucket weights about 30 pounds.

The buckets from our church will be shipped this week to a church in Sacramento that is the collection point for all buckets from Northern California Southern Baptist churches. From there, they will be shipped to a warehouse in Florida and eventually loaded onto cargo containers for shipment to Haiti.

I picked up the list of items for the bucket and I planned to buy them on one of my frequent trips to the grocery store. However, it turned out that a couple of the items such as the 20 ounce cylinder of sugar were hard to find. So a group of women from the church kindly offered to do the shopping and packing for those of us short on time – all we needed to do was write a check.

I can’t imagine what life in Haiti is like now. But I pray that receiving a bucket of provisions does just what the name says, and gives the family who receives it some hope.

On one hand…or make that on one needle…I certainly understand Councilmember Tiffany Renee’s compulsion to knit while listening to the public comments in the February 8 city council meeting.

Those of us who knit are always looking for opportunities to whip out our knitting needles and add a couple more rows to a project that we’re working on. If you can’t do anything else but sit and listen, it’s a way to make your time more productive.

Perhaps Councilmember Renee thinks back on that particular meeting as the one in which the council approved the East Washington Place shopping center…and the meeting that she finished knitting a really cute baby hat.

But therein lies the problem. From the perspective of someone watching her, it looks like she is giving as much attention to deciding whether to knit or purl the next stitch as to whether or not the city council approves a shopping center that as she said, will change “the entire fabric and character of the community.”

I believe Ms. Renee when she says that she’s an “attentive listener” while she knits.  If she is making something very simple that doesn’t require referring to the pattern directions – and not a cabled sweater with 267 stitches on the needles – she could indeed knit and listen. In that case, knitting doesn’t really require much more brain power than doodling does.

But regardless of whether she is knitting something simple or complicated, the perception of the people watching her is that her attention is not entirely focused on the issue before the council. Even if the non-knitting council members are daydreaming, doodling, or thinking about what they’re going to have to eat when they get home that night, at least they give the appearance that they are listening.

In her desire to multi-task, Ms. Renee is only hurting herself. She probably doesn’t want to be remembered for being the council member who knits during meetings. I’m guessing she would rather be recognized for her efforts to serve the voters of Petaluma.

Recently, I’ve noticed a lot of TV commercials for products that promise “strong hair.” In these ads, there are lots of beautiful young women with Rapunzel-like hair being tied into knots. Watching all the yanking on the hair that happens in these commercials, I almost expect them to use one of the model’s hair for a game of tug of war.

As I’ve watched these ads, I’ve puzzled over marketing shampoos and conditioners that claim to make hair “3x stronger.” That’s because “strong” and “hair” are not two words that I would naturally associate together. “Shinier,” “silkier,” or “thicker” all make sense to me as desirable qualities for my hair. But stronger? That sounds a little out of the realm of what I need my hair to do.

So far, I’ve never had to depend on my hair to lift a 50 pound bag of cat litter into the car. Perhaps strong hair will provide a bubble of protection in the event of a head-on collision.  

So why should women care about having strong hair? The obvious answer is that if a manufacturer can convince us that having strong hair makes us feel more beautiful, and their product promises stronger hair, then of course, they are going to sell more.

I’m always amazed at how the people who market beauty products come up with a “new and improved” product benefit. When it comes to hair, “shinier” and “healthier” are old hat. Having “stronger hair” is a new quality that will help us walk out the door and into the world with confidence.

And if the ads convince us that having strong hair is a good thing, why not give the product a try? It’s a modest investment and once we’ve bought it, we can reap all the benefits without doing any additional work. I’m going to wash my hair anyway, why not get stronger hair while I’m at it? Unlike the rest of my body, my hair can get stronger without lifting weights or doing crunches. I don’t think we’ll ever see Dove promising a stronger body with every shower.

So are marketers smart and women just suckers for the latest product? I think I’ll take a less cynical tack. Companies are in business to sell products. And if $4.29 for a bottle of shampoo helps me feel better about myself, then it’s a purchase worth making.

When our garbage disposal stopped working on New Year’s Eve, I figured I would just wait to get it taken care of until after January 4^th when everyone is back in work mode. But when I made a phone call to the plumber and found out that he could install a new one that afternoon, Steve encouraged me to go ahead and get it done that day which I did.

Practically, that was a good idea since a home composting unit wasn’t on my Christmas list. So collecting carrot peelings and coffee grounds isn’t something I have much interest in doing.

But I’m also glad that we had a new disposal put in on the last day of 2009 because it’s a symbolic of how I want to approach the New Year: grind up the garbage…the anxiety and stress…that is leftover from a tough year and run it down the drain but store the good events that were also a part of 2009.

So, what are the highlights from last year that I can be grateful for?

Our son made the transition from junior college to San Francisco State. Last year at this time, we didn’t know where he would be going to school or if he could get the loans he needed to pay for it. He is so happy living the living the life of a student filmmaker in the City; Steve and I constantly comment to one another that SFSU turned out to be an ideal fit for him.

Our middle daughter got her driver’s license, and with some help from us, bought a great used car and completed her college applications. Our experience with our son gives us encouragement that when it actually comes to going to college, that she too will end up at the right school for her.

Our youngest daughter is starting to come into her own as an artist and personality. She also has developed a strong interest in caring for others. And I’m grateful that as she enters high school next year she has friends that I can count on to influence her in positive ways.

Steve continues to have excellent health and energy…which shouldn’t be taken for granted now that he is close to the age of Medicare.

And I’m grateful that in an economy of double-digit unemployment, I was able to get a job. Not only am I appreciative of the additional income, but I feel valued for the work I do and love the people I work with.

So in 2010 as I find leftovers in my refrigerator…and attitude…that have gone bad, they are all getting tossed into my new disposal.

What’s in a name? A lot, when you’re looking at paint colors.

Every weekend since school ended, you can find my daughter, Valerie, and me at Lowe’s, pulling paint swatches from Valspar’s Martha Stewart collection. Our immersion in paint colors has been prompted by Valerie’s plan to repaint her older brother’s empty bedroom before she moves into it. “What do you think about ‘Waning Moon’ compared to ‘Snowy Egret’?”

Although Lowe’s also carries Laura Ashley, Eddie Bauer and Waverly paint collections, once we started reading the names on the Martha Stewart paint chips, the other designers didn’t stand a chance. Think of painting a room “Coffee” color and it might as well be Folgers. But the same color in Martha’s line is called “Iced Latte.” Sounds yummy. “Sand” sounds so boring; but looking at Martha’s paint chip and imagining painting a room “Zen Garden”…Deep breath, I feel more relaxed already.

Martha brings her refined sensibility – and some really great copywriting – to the names her designers come up with to describe paint colors. “Pussy Willow Tip,” “Camisole,” “Otter,” “Apothecary Jar,” “Chardonnay Bottle. She can even make gray-brown sound like an intriguing color: “Pumpernickel Loaf.”

Just holding swatches called “Lavender Soap,” “Silk Gloves,” “Pressed Rose,” “Cameo Brooch,” and “Vintage Map” takes me to a more beautiful place. I picture sitting next to Martha on an antique settee in her former residence, Turkey Hill Farm. Everything around us is tasteful and elegant. “Oh, wouldn’t my embossed stationery be a lovely shade for a paint color?” she says. “Or how about the Lobster Bisque I’m serving for lunch. That’s such a beautiful shade of red.” I feel richer just thinking about these things. I wonder if she makes a color called “Microsoft Stock Certificate.”

That got Valerie and I started thinking about what names we would come up with if we looked around our surroundings for inspiration. We pretty quickly realized that they might not have the same positive connotations. In our world, what Martha calls “Tapenade” would be “Cat Barf.” Martha’s “Freshwater Aquarium”…for us it’s more like “Ty-D-Bol Blue.” And in today’s economy, her “Scented Notepaper” would have to be renamed “Pink Slip.”

After bringing home a stack of paint chips the size of a deck of cards, Valerie began realizing that the names of the colors were influencing her opinion of them. How could she not like a paint color named after one of her favorite things, “Siamese Cat.” If the “Steamer Trunk” color she was considering instead was named “Evergreen” she wouldn’t have taken a second look at it. She even tried covering up the names on the chips so they wouldn’t affect her attraction to them but by that time it was too late. Even though she has eliminated “Paris Pink” as a potential color several times, it keeps making its way back into her favorites just because Paris conjures up such enticing images.

We finally moved on from paint chips to buying a few samples to actually try on the wall. On our orange-peel texture walls, “Kyoto Green” looks more like “Iguana Skin” so that one is out of the running. It looks like the strong contenders are “Sugar Egg Pink” and “Cocoon.”

But wait, Valerie’s back from Lowe’s with “Downspout” and “Jordan Almond.”

Last week, I wrote about how taking eyelashes to extreme lengths and thicknesses seems to be an obsession for women these days. Mascara brands promise lashes so long and voluminous that it makes my eyelids heavy just blinking about it.

That led me to think about what makes a woman feel beautiful and why a particular physical feature can become so important to the way a woman feels about herself.

A recent episode of “What Not to Wear” also tied into these issues. On the show, a very attractive 50-something gal from Texas was made-over to bring her wardrobe out of the 1980’s and teach her how to start dressing in a more age-appropriate way. A part of the makeover process was also updating her hair from the Texas beauty queen, big blonde “do” to something softer and more modern.

At the end of the show, this already good-looking woman looked absolutely fantastic, yet she didn’t feel pretty because they had cut off her over-processed, long, blonde hair and given her a fresh, new hairstyle. In her mind, she couldn’t be pretty and attractive to men unless she had the big hair. Since she no longer had that, her hair was the “flaw” in her appearance that she focused on and she totally missed seeing how great she looked.

Like this woman, I think many of us dissect ourselves until we’re not the sum of our parts, we’re just bits and pieces. Then we spend an inordinate amount of time putting ourselves down for not meeting the ideal picture we have in our heads of what this feature should look like in order for it to be labeled as “pretty.” 

There are many women – and this includes me – who have one feature of their appearance that they are unhappy with. “I really hate my…fill in the blank.” We believe that as long as that stays the same, we can never feel truly beautiful. In fact, many women just plain give up even trying to look better because perfection is unattainable, so they believe that even small attempts at looking better are futile.

But as this episode of “What Not to Wear” demonstrated – and we’ve seen it numerous other times on the show – we (and I’m talking to myself here too) need to wipe away the image of perfection we have in our heads, accept who we are, and work with it. The show has shown me over and over again that every woman, no matter her size or shape, can look better with clothes that fit well, a good haircut and artfully-applied makeup. The good features of each woman are accentuated and her less than perfect features minimized. And when we see each of them as a complete picture at the end of the show, they look beautiful.

So back to where I started with why we are obsessed with lashes…when you compare yourself to a “Victoria’s Secret” model – and it’s pretty hard not to do when a TV commercial comes on and the camera is about three inches away from her taut, 19-year-old abs – it’s very easy to feel inadequate in pretty much every way.

But makeup companies want us to believe – and I don’t fault them for this – that if we use enough Intense XXL Extreme mascara, you can compare your lashes to those on a model and even if you’re five-foot-two, you won’t come up short.

You may hate everything else about your body, but your lashes will be perfect.

If I were to make an assumption about what issue consumes the minds of women based on the TV commercials during “Dancing with the Stars,” “So You Think You Can Dance,” and “What Not to Wear,” that issue would have to be: how can I get my eyelashes longer, thicker, and fuller than ever before?

I suppose ever since the first cave woman smudged some charcoal on her lashes and realized that it drew attention away from her uni-brow and really made her eyes pop, that mascara – or some form of it – has been a very popular item of makeup.

But the focus on eyelashes has gotten so extreme recently, that it has gone into some unexpected territory. Check out some of the names of Maybelline’s line of mascara: Curl Power, Unstoppable, Volum’ Express Turbo Boost, Sky High Curves, and XXL Extensions. Are we talking about makeup or jet engines? And the scariest one of all, Lash Stiletto. I wonder if it comes with a warning. Careful, you’ll put your eye out with that.

My daughter recently came home from the drugstore with Revlon 3D Extreme Mascara that promises 17X fuller, 70% curvier and 50% visibly longer lashes. Wow…that’s really going to give her eyelids a workout.

As further proof of our obsession with eyelashes, I began seeing TV and newspaper ads for a prescription drug that enhances eyelash growth. Drug manufacturer Allergan discovered that one of the side effects of their glaucoma eye drops was thicker lashes. So they re-purposed the drug and this spring began marketing it under the name of Latisse. Brooke Shields who is already a celebrity spokesperson for Colgate, Coppertone, VW Routan, and milk, can now be seen batting her baby blues promoting Latisse.

Allergan wouldn’t be spending millions of dollars marketing Latisse if they didn’t believe that in spite of a recession there are a lot of women who are willing to pick up the phone and schedule a doctor’s appointment, pay the insurance co-pay, and then spend $120 dollars a month to have “longer, fuller and darker lashes.” And women who love the results they get with Latisse, better build that expense into their retirement budget because as soon as you quit using the product, your lashes will revert to the nubs they were before.

I love my mascara and it’s worth every penny of the whopping $8.99 I spend on it. But if I had any extra money, it wouldn’t be spent on a prescription to enhance my eyelashes. So why does Allergan predict that global sales of Latisse could exceed $500 million a year?

As I’ve been struggling with some of my perceptions about what makes a woman pretty, I have some thoughts about why we fixate on a particular feature of our appearance. I’ll pick up from there next week.

When I took a part-time job that took me outside of our home-based business a couple of months ago, I was very glad that I had some clothes in my closet that I could wear to my new job and feel like I was dressed appropriately. Although my new position doesn’t require interacting with lots of people, I still wanted to look professional and not like a total soccer mom.

I have my 16-year-old daughter, Valerie, to thank for making sure that I have some clothes to wear that don’t involve acid-wash denim and shoulder pads.

If Valerie had been a boy who loved baseball, I probably would have spent a lot of time sitting on bleachers at a baseball field. But since she’s a girl who loves to shop, it became obvious to me early on in her teenage years that I was going to be spending a lot of time hanging out in stores while she shopped. So I started trying on clothes as a defensive measure. Otherwise, I was afraid that I might go stir-crazy waiting for her to consider the thousands of items in Nordstrom Rack; she can be there three hours and not even have worked her way to the jeans section yet.

If it wasn’t for her desire to dress with some flair, I might have avoided clothing stores altogether; stepping into Macy’s and trying to figure out where to go can seem overwhelming if you haven’t shopped outside of the children’s department for years. Or I might have taken a more righteous attitude about not shopping and congratulated myself about all the money I was saving by not buying any new clothes. And I could rationalize that we live in the country. Except for having one good outfit to wear to a client meeting, does the kid scanning my groceries in the checkout line care that I’m wearing a Gap t-shirt that I got as a hand-me-down…from my son?

But Valerie made sure that I didn’t stay stuck in the land of mom jeans. As I tried stuff on while I waited for Valerie, I had an opportunity to put into practice the rules that stylists Stacy and Clinton expound on our favorite show, “What Not To Wear.” Like the makeover contestants who appear with them on the show, I could immediately see how pants that sat below the waist were more flattering, pointy-toed shoes elongated the leg, and creating an hourglass figure was actually a good thing. I bought clothes that I really felt good wearing. That really added to my confidence as I started in a new workplace.

You may be wondering why I launched into this sartorial digression in the first place? Because last week I was faced with a different wardrobe challenge. I had a job interview in San Francisco for another part-time position at the Presidio Heights home of a busy mom who has more money than time. She is looking for an administrative assistant to take care of some of the details of her life.

All week I wrestled with whether to wear slacks or jeans when I went to meet with her. At first, I thought I should wear nice pants, after all, even if it is at someone’s house, it’s still a job interview. However, I might look overdressed. But what if she’s one of these wealthy socialite types that wears her hair pulled tightly into a ponytail and thinks jeans are only appropriate if you’re tending the polo ponies in the stables?

In the end, I decided to wear what I feel most comfortable in: dark-washed jeans that fit well, good quality black ballet flats that I refreshed with some shoe polish, and a stylishly cropped jacket that was a recent purchase from Nordstrom Rack.

I walked past the well-manicured shrubbery and rang the doorbell. When she answered the door, I was relieved to see that she looked like any one of the moms I encounter while I’m waiting to pick-up my daughter from junior high. It’s possible that the clogs she was wearing cost more than my entire outfit but at least I was put at ease because I felt like I looked in tune with whom I was talking to. Whether or not I get the job is out of my control, but either way, it won’t be because I had a wardrobe malfunction.

The determination of the Petaluma City Council to make sure that a Target store never gets built in Petaluma is so frustrating.  I’ll bet if you asked every mom in Petaluma if they ever drive to Rohnert Park specifically to shop at Target, the vast majority would say that they regularly do. And if they are like me, the entire time they’re driving there, they are thinking how they much would love to have a Target store in Petaluma.

But the article in last Thursday’s Argus, “Council skeptical of Target’s benefits,” takes the issue beyond my personal frustration of being inconvenienced by having to drive to Target and points out how the actions of the City Council are actually hurting our community. I’m beyond frustrated and downright angry.

The Target center comes at a time when unemployment is the highest it has been in a 25 years; 7,400 jobs were lost in Sonoma County last year, many of these in retail. The Fiscal and Economic Impact Assessment estimated that the project would create 720 permanent jobs. Yet Councilmember Tiffany Renee is quoted as saying, “I can’t honestly say that these are going to be quality jobs that are going to be good for Petaluma.”

Giving people who have lost their jobs an opportunity to work is not good for Petaluma? That makes no sense. Maybe she should ask a few of people who recently lost their jobs at Mervyn’s what they think.

She said these aren’t going to be quality jobs. So what’s a “quality job?” In these times, I think any job that comes with a paycheck is a quality job. Given the bleak economic climate, Petaluma should be exceedingly grateful that Target wants to proceed with building a store here and hasn’t put the project on hold like Whole Foods did in Santa Rosa.

Maybe Councilmember Renee doesn’t want Petalumans to have to suffer the indignity of working at Target. Perhaps in her thinking, it’s only a “quality job” if you’re working for a one-of-a-kind boutique and not a corporation. How condescending of her. Perhaps she would like to tell all the hard-working employees at Longs, McDonalds, Kmart, and Starbucks to name just a few, that they too don’t have “quality jobs that are good for Petaluma.”

And then there is her puzzling statement that “as we are demanding certain standards for this project, we continue to achieve things that are going to be beneficial to all Petalumans, not just those who feel entitled to shop at Target.”

“Entitled” and “Target” in the same sentence? We’re not talking about Nordstrom here. I never considered when I shopped at the Rohnert Park Target that I was entering the land of entitlement. Yes, I feel entitled to get the best value for my money and I am able to do that at Target. It’s a shame that the Council isn’t going to give me that opportunity in Petaluma.

The City Council is right about one issue, we don’t really know how having a Target will impact local retailers. My guess is that since Petalumans are already shopping at Target – they just have to drive to do it – that it really won’t have that much impact. If any entity feels a loss, I think it will be Rohnert Park. And wouldn’t it be great to keep the estimated $1 million in sales tax generated by Target in Petaluma instead of giving it to Rohnert Park.

Why does the City Council think that putting Petaluma in a freeze frame so that nothing ever changes is beneficial to the city? I get the impression that the City Council would probably be really happy if Petaluma was like Brigadoon, a magical village rising out of the mist to come to life for a day every 100 years…but where nothing ever changes.

Let’s hope the Councilmembers get their heads out of the fog and come back to the reality of much needed jobs and revenue for our town right here and right now.

When working for our home-based marketing business was my only job, I didn’t think too much about the makeup I wore. I was sure Steve, the three cats and the dog would love me – particularly if I fed them every so often – no matter how I looked.

But now that I’m stepping outside our front door and working part-time for someone else, I would like to freshen up my makeup routine. That, plus that fact that I’m down to the dregs and nubs of the small amount of makeup that I did have.

When I open the drawer in the bathroom all that is left in my little plastic container are a couple of stubby eyeliner pencils, three different brands of the same taupe shade of eye shadow, two shades of red Vampirella lipstick from Halloween a decade ago, and a compact of Clinique blush that I bought when we were married 25 years ago. I am not exaggerating that it is just now wearing down to the bottom.

I recall buying a good set of makeup brushes when I was in college, but all that I have left of the set are a frizzled eyebrow brush and what I think was a lip liner brush that I now use to put on under eye concealer. On the rare occasions when I do wear eye shadow, I put it on with a Q-tip.

So clearly I need to go shopping for makeup and get some help in artfully applying it if I want to be taken at face value as an intelligent woman in the world beyond our home.

It’s about at this point in my thought process that I wish Carmindy, the makeup artist on “What Not To Wear,” would magically appear next to me in our bathroom. We have been faithful viewers of the show for years and without exception, every one of the women she makes-over looks dramatically better. She enhances their best features in a very natural way; none ever look clownish when she finishes with them. As she puts it, “just a better version of yourself.”

However, since my Carmindy fantasy isn’t going to happen; I’m on my own which leads to my first dilemma: department or drug store. Am I worth Lancome or L’Oreal? M.A.C. or Maybelline? Especially when money is an issue.

If I go the department store route, shopping for a brand there involves running the gauntlet of scary girls behind the makeup counters who look like refugees from the “Addicted to Love” video…if they were even alive in 1985 when that video came out. I’m sure that 21-year-old at the Bobbi Brown counter knows a lot about doing a “smokey eye” but me…I’m trying to get rid of the dark circles.

And I’ve never been brave enough to take a seat at one of the counters in Nordstrom and let the salesperson have at me. I’m afraid that she’ll use $200 in products even before she get to my eyes. And then I’m going to have to slink out of her chair saying that I’m going to have to think about it.

Yet every time I decide I’ll go the cheap route and shop for makeup at Long’s, I walk away without buying anything. What one brand calls “Ivory” looks the same in the package as “Natural” in a different brand of foundation and without being able to try it, there’s no way of knowing which is a better match for my skin tone.

My daughter likes shopping at Sephora because you can try the products and the sales help doesn’t just work for one brand. But I get overwhelmed by the choices. There must be 300 different shades of eye shadow there.

Buying clothes is so much easier. I can put on a pair of pants and know immediately if they fit. But does Corduroy Matte eye shadow look better than Cork Satin? I’m in the dark.