Buns of Steel

For several years, my daughter, Valerie, has competed in rhythmic gymnastics. Most people have seen an “artistic” gymnastics competition on TV where several gymnasts are performing on different apparatus (such as balance beam, floor, and vault) all at once. This keeps the event moving at an even pace.

However, rhythmic gymnastics meets run differently…and a lot slower. Each competitor, sometimes as many as 30, performs one-at-a-time in four different events. In addition to the actual competition, there is at least an hour and a half warm-up period, plus time for the judges to calculate the scores and present awards for several levels and ages of competitors. The end result is that a rhythmic gymnastics meet is a marathon of gluteal stamina for devoted parents like me.

A day at a rhythmic gymnastics meet always leaves me feeling like I’ve been in a time warp; when it’s over and I call Steve on the drive home, I feel the need to ask, “Who’s president now?”

Part of the disorienting nature of the meets is because they are typically held in high school gymnasiums. I find my mind wandering as I take in the banners that decorate the gym, such as “Cougars: 1988 NorCal Badminton Champions.” But it’s the seating arrangement that has the greatest impact on me. I find that after about an hour, my bottom goes numb, then I lose feeling in my legs, and by the end of the meet, I truly have buns of steel because my butt has fused to the metal bleachers.

I’m sure someone is missing out on a great money making enterprise at these events.
Instead of selling t-shirts, what would really bring in the cash is a posterior version of the Footsie Wootsie”¦maybe a Buttsie Wuttsie. 

However, as a defensive measure I have taken up knitting. Not only does it pass the time and keep my mind off all the chores that I should be doing at home, I have come to discover that even a half-completed sweater makes a great seat cushion.

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